Used To…

What happens when the thing that used to be your escape no longer brings you peace?

I used to enjoy writing. The thought of blogging excited me. Having an opportunity to share my thoughts with others through my posts made me happy. What a thrill it was to release everything I’ve learned, everything that stretched and strengthened me in my journal entries. Writing helped me organize my thoughts, sort out my ideas and express things that I didn’t know how to articulate but somehow it stopped.


Even though my desire to write vanished my thoughts didn’t. My thoughts kept spinning and spinning like a washing machine. I kept getting beaten up by my opinions, thoughts, lessons, commentary, beliefs, perspectives because there was NO RELEASE and NO RELIEF. My thoughts whipping around my head combined with situations and other’s opinions only accelerated the spin cycle. It got faster and faster! My mind spun, my head ached, my emotions were off balance, my body grew numb and I was so overwhelmed to the point where I blacked out.

ALL of the build up led to a black-out which completely wiped-out my memories, my creativity, my peace and my hope!

So when I looked at a website template, empty blog page, a notebook paper and a word document I went blank. I couldn’t recall how or why writing used to be my outlet, my therapist and my escape.

It’s hard to function when that place of safety can no longer give you solace.

I decided it was time to go to God. To give him my pain, my fears, worries and my cares.

It was God’s love that hit the refresh button on my mind and hit stop on the spin cycle. It sparked the Wifi connection, found my missing files, rebooted my hardware and upgraded my software. He helped me realized that fear caused my freedom to freeze. His perfect love cast fear! (1 John 4: 18)

Here lies ALL my FEARS…ALL the fears that spammed and hijacked my passion for writing!

I feared people’s opinions, comments, criticism and feedback.

I feared that I could never be as good as the next writer, blogger or author.

I feared that no one would care, read, like, follow, invest, purchase, support, share, click or enjoy my writing.

I feared that it could garner too much support too soon and too much success is overwhelming.

I feared judgment that if I truly poured my heart out on this blog that it could be stabbed, stomped and squeezed.

I feared that I could never top the last post and I would run out of ideas.

I let fear paralyze me and rob me of my favorite hobby and my peace. The God I serve is far greater than any fear. At the mention of His name, Jesus Christ, all my fears must bow!

His perfect love hugged away my fears! He restored my hope and reminded me of the gift He has given me. So if you are like me battling with fears there is freedom for you! Be encouraged and keep on writing and creating!

Hopelessness made me do it: Settle for Less

More often than not we are willing to forfeit our blessings, opportunities and better possibilities because of hopelessness. I struggle with knowing my worth so I settle for things that are less than what I deserve. Surely that phenomenal, fantastic and larger than life thing is too good for lil ole me.

It’s crazy because the entire time I’ve been praying, begging and pleading with God to give me better and rescue me from my current limiting position. As soon as He reveals a glimpse of better, my knee-jerk reaction is to shy away from it, question myself and ultimately doubt God.

Our perceptions of our worth is what shapes our realities. If I believe that I am less than, I speak things that are less than, accept things that are less than and I will ultimately live a life that is less than. “For as he (she) thinketh in his (her) heart so is he (she)…”(Proverbs 23:7) KJV.

Girl you truly do know you are settling until you are shown what you ought to have, what you could have and what you should have. By spending time with God He washes away those broken and self-sabotaging perspectives and replaces it with hope.

By spending time with God He washes away those broken and self-sabotaging perspectives and replaces it with hope.

Kalyn H.

The beauty of hope is that it ignores the present struggles and gives you a chance to believe for better. Most of the time, God calls you to do things that are so BIG, so POWERFUL, so IMPACTFUL and usually UNPRECEDENTED. His instructions are typically step by step and each time you take a step you move further and further away from your comfort zone.

Our comfort zones have many different names fear, doubt, excuses, self-deprication, anger etc. We know that alone we would never accomplish that masterful plan God has for us so we abort the simple instructions and instead conceive hopelessness.

The pilot of my mind is hopelessness and the despairing destination She is flying me to is the capital of Settleland. If I continue to let her control my mind she will constantly reroute my destiny every time God leads me in the direction of promise, of purpose, of prosperity and of hope.

If I continue to let her control my mind she will constantly reroute my destiny every time God leads me in the direction of promise, of purpose, of prosperity and of hope.

Kalyn H.

I feel good knowing that I am not the only one who dealt with this. In Numbers 13 and 14. You find Moses and Aaron in Kadesh, the wilderness, after regaining their freedom from Pharaoh. They are moments away from entering Cannan the promised land. Moses instructs 12 leaders to search the land for 40 days surveying the soil, the crops, the security, the people etc. GIRL, THE TEA WAS HOT WHEN THEY CAME BACK.

Kermit The Frog meme courtesy: Pinterest

We entered the land you sent us to explore, and it is indeed a bountiful country– a land flowing with milk and honey…but the people living there are powerful, and their towns are large and fortified. We even saw giants there, the descendants of Anak!

Numbers 13:27-28

GIANTSSSSSSSSS in my Souja Boy voice! Like Goliath’s cousins? Oh no, no, no. All of the hope they had about leaving the wilderness, starting fresh, leveling-up was completely thrown out the window. There was no room to consider the milk and honey, the long journey they endured prior to getting here, and how God delivered them from Egypt. All they could think about is how small they were, how unqualified they were, how they were lacking resources and how insignificant they were.

Iconic Soulja Boy meme courtesy: Youtube

Do not envy sinners, but always continue to fear the Lord, You will be rewarded for this; your hope will not be disappointed.

Proverbs 23:17-18

They were convinced that they were less than so they decided going back to Egypt, to live as slaves was better. But Joshua and Caleb believed they could conqueror the giants not because of their own might but because they put their hope in God. If God is for them who could be against them.

I do not know the masterful plan God has for you. I do not know what wilderness you may be facing in this moment. I do not know the pains from your past. What I do know is that your future is demanding you to have hope. It’s time to take hold of what God has for you, believe that He will bring you through it, believe you have all that you need because He is with you and that your are worthy.

Repeat After Me:

I, insert name, am worthy of better. I deserve better. I will only accept things, people, and situations into my life that will make me a better person. Lord, I am sorry that I let my negative perception of myself block the many blessings you have for me. I will no longer walk in hopelessness. I will put my hope back in you God. No longer will I settle for less than I deserve. I am excited about my future.

Darling,You were promised giants!

Have you ever been more excited about opening gifts than your actual birthday? Just the thought of having hand-picked gifts waiting for you just sends chills up your spine. Then you are a lot like me! To me the anticipation, the guessing and wondering is one of the best parts. So the day has come, my makeup is beat, my curls are moisturized and defined, my outfit is on fleek and I begin to open my gifts. My face I wish I could control it but I honestly can’t. As I opened the gifts promised to me, my face scrunches up with ever wrinkle representing my confusion, disappointment and shock. How can the thing I was promised be completely different than what I anticipated?

Imagine the anticipation of the Israelites had when Moses told them about THE PROMISED LAND, a land flowing of milk and honey (Ex 6:6-8). I bet everyone who heard the promise land started imagining what the land would look like and what it would have.

One could’ve pictured a land with castles filled with beautiful furniture, artwork, numerous bathrooms and large bedrooms. A place that would be featured on MTV Cribes lol!

One could’ve pictured a land with endless tresses filled with the best fruit, gardens brimming with veggies and vineyards with delectable grapes all ready for picking. Imagine Food Network on repeat with Guy Fieri, Rachel Ray and Bobby Flay having access to the best ingredients to prepare the best food for you around the clock.

One could’ve pictured a land with a market with vendors, merchants and businesses. Every thing you could ever need is right there. Think of Mall of America at your finger tips. Beautifully tailored clothing, sparkly jewelry, bomb shoes and high-quality handbags all your size, all your esthetic and all for free!

After years of being enslaved in Egypt, I know the Israelites dreams fueled their hope and their hope fueled their faith which fueled their will to live. The GAG is ( in my Keke Palmer voice) their PROMISED LAND similar to my birthday gifts were nothing like they imagined. Several spies were sent to scope out the PROMISED LAND, if I was an Israelites I would’ve volunteered to peep out the land set aside for us. When the spies came back their report of the land was filled with milk and honey but…(Numbers 13: 26-29)

Their PROMISED LAND was cluttered with GIANTS! Yes, I did not stutter GIANTS. (“The land we explored devours those living in it. All the people we saw there are of great size.” Numbers 13:31-33) Majority of the Israelites heard the word GIANTS and was quick to give up hope, throw the entire land away and forfeit their promise. After so many days, hours, minutes of waiting all of their excitement and hope was snatched away by one report.

God knew there were GIANTS in the land before He promised it to the Isrealists. Nothing surprises God, He is all knowing and omipresent surely He knew the condition of the land from the tiniest grain to longest strain of hair on the largest GIANT. Just like He knew the PROMISED LAND, He knows you and He knows your situation, your circumstances and He knows what He promised you. This entire time He has been preparing you because He would never bring you to the place where you would receive your promise if you aren’t prepared.

What does that PROMISED LAND look like for you? What is that promise you took one look at was ready to throw away, to give up and turn away from? Could it be a job opportunity that you were promised but after your first day you were ready to quit because of the GIANTS called inadequacy cluttered the office. Could it be a book you were supposed to write but you started typing your first chapter the GIANTS called writers block cluttered your thoughts. Could it be the university you were promised but after your first semester you realized your campus is clutter with GIANTS called drama.

How can something that was promised have GIANTS? Why do I have to do more work if they was set aside for me? Haven’t I been through enough just to get to this point but now your telling me I still have to fight? All of these thoughts raced through my mind when I faced my own GIANTS. Because its yours, because God is with you, because you’ve already won previous battles you have all of the motivation and power to win this war and claim the promises.

It’s funny but more times than not your promises (your blessings) will be attached to giants (challenges) but do not be dismayed, do not be discouraged and do NOT give up. You were promised it because you CAN HANDLE IT! You are more than a CONQUEROR but you have to rely on God’s strength, God’s grace and God’s wisdom because when we trust in Him any and everything is possible. Don’t you dare throw away your promises because you faced a GIANT. Sis you got this! Its yours so claim it and fight for it! These GIANTS were never designed to destroy your but they are only there to build your character, to strengthen you and to deepen your faith. These GIANTS just like your PROMISES were set aside for you, not to frighten you, but because your a GIANT SLAYER!